jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
