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we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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