i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
