Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
