I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
