You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
