Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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