I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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