at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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