I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
