He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
