i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
