i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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