I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
