What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Randomize
