Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just gift wrapped bread.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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