I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
