xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
