She's JV to your varsity
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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