Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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