Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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