so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
