The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
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it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
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I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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