Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
he just fucked me for my cheese.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
