Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
