if i can run in heels then i can drive
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
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I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
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I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
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