I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
