She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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