I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
