I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
