Whoa Z and x make the same sound
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
