you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
