trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
