You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
