Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
