carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
