I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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