I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize