I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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