you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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