Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
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I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
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Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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