Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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