Im at strip club and am horny
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
