Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
