You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
there is puke in my bra ... again
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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