That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
