Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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