Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
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Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
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Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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