She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
