There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
