So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
