Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
its liver damage thursday
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
