Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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