Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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