I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Randomize
