The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
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