So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
