i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
