she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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