Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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