I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
