ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
