my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize