Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
