Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
