i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
