Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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