I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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