Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
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