I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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